Subway Rage.

Hi, my name is Caitlin and I have SUBWAY RAGE! It's true.

I hate them all, all the people who just can't seem to figure out proper subway/life etiquette.

There are the ones who rush into the subway only to stop short as they enter just past the doors. It's like their thinking: 'Oh yay, I'm good now, no reason to keep moving in...tra la la' while behind them a crowd of people are gathering and desperately trying to get into the train so they too can make it to work/home.




There are the 'take up two seats with all my bags' fuckers who at this point don't faze me as much because I just lower myself slowly to give them enough chance to either move their shit or have it sat on.




The 'gonna lean on the pole cause I don't care if you fall over when the subway lurches' people.


Then we have the 'won't look up from my book even though obviously pregnant, with child, or older person stands right above me and could use the seat'.

But my biggest irritent are the people who insist on congregating by the doors like a bunch of smelly sardines, all the while the middle of the train sits bare. I hate those people most.

The other day I decided to move into the giant empty area (as I usually do) in the middle of the subway car - on my way through the sardines I found myself stuck at a stand still as the man I was attempting to move past seem to implant his feet into the floor like blocks of cement.

At first I thought he just hadn't noticed me, so of course I politely (no really, I said it politely) said 'excuse me'. I said this a few times while trying to push past him before I finally emerged (through really hard pushing) to the other side.

I swear that must be what birth feels like for a baby!

Anyways, when I finally found myself on the other side I turned to him and asked him (not so politely) if he had heard me saying 'excuse me'? He looked at me and said while gesturing the 1 and a half feet of space in front of his giant belly (yes I am now making fun of the jerk) "Where was I supposed to go?".

"What about one foot in front of you to give me some space to get in here so everybody on the train can have a little more space to breath?" I responded.





At this point he was no longer ready to take me on so he shut up - but of course my Subway rage did not allow him my silence in return, so I loudly (and justly) said 'I should have shoved you harder'.

Of course, in retrospect it isn't the coolest thing, nor the most hurtful thing I could have said - he probably just smirked when I said it - but there was a child sitting below me and although my mind raced with 'Fucking piss ant prick, inconsiderate, fucking disgusting human being...' I did not choose the latter. Of course by the time I left the train I was fuming - spent the entire walk to my kids’ daycare monologue-ing what I should have said to him...always the way isn't it?

So then the next day I saw again that the middle was clear of people - this time it was pretty atrocious how empty it was considering that everybody was literally piled onto one and other in the entrance ways. So of course I still pushed my way through to the middle feeling very triumphant that I wasn't going to let the sardines get in my way of a reasonably comfortable ride till I noticed that I was standing in vomit - yes vomit. The lady sitting below me had lost her breakfast and in that moment it all came together why everyone else had chosen to congeal together as far away as possible from this poor woman. As everybody's eyes watched for my reaction I simply reached into my bag, pulled out some Kleenex and gave it to her without moving away. So there fuckers!

Anyhoo...

The lesson today I suppose is be suspicious of rather large empty areas in subway cars, but don't shy away from confrontation boys and girls.