Life after reason: Alter Ego Boy

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Life after reason: Why I don't do "no presents" at a birthday party

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Life after reason: The truth about 4 year olds

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Tips to a great house/birthday party for kids

1. Only invite as many kids as your kid is old. We often allow for one extra, especially if the numbers are low. This is not an easy thing to do, there is always the guilt "but won't those other kids be sad?" or "will that parent now hate me?". Get over this unless you have the dough to rent out a party place or you have the weather to park it. If it's a house party tell your kid how many kids they are allowed to invite and let them make the list. They can always use the excuse "my parents made me do it" (which is true, you did).

2. Make it simple. Simple food, simple games, simple theme. We did a "superhero" theme because anybody can dress up as any old superhero they want or they make up. We also have loads of dress up and can supply people with capes or costumes should they desire. Added to that party was a 'top your own pizza' and 'decorate your own cupcake'. Even this - if prepared correctly previously - can not only be super simple the day off but also steps in as an added activity or two.

3. Keep it to one floor. Ensure this by having an activities plan and keeping those tiny, yet incredibly loud and fast, people busy. Very busy. If they can, they *will* take over your home and make it look like a bomb exploded inside it.

4. Have your child open their gifts as they receive them. This not only fills up the first few minutes of lag time while you wait for all your other guests to arrive (as it is unlikely they will all show up at once), it also allows the child to thank each guest personally for the gift. Furthermore it prevents the scenario where all the children are forced to sit in a little circle and watch, enviously, as the birthday boy/girl opens their presents in front of them. Cause that is SO much fun for those little guys.

5. Prep that sucker up! Seriously. Better to be tired from a night of prepping and decorating for the party than completely disorganized and stressed out the day of. Children will eat you alive if you show weakness - don't give them a reason. Cook anything that can be cooked ahead of time. Put any snacks in bowls to be plopped onto the table minutes before the party starts. Saving time doesn't just save stress it also gives you the time to get the activities started and keep those little guys busy and happy.

6. Have or hire a helper. We are lucky to have two older siblings available at the ready for my little guys parties. My second oldest was a charm at this last party. She helped organize games, kept kids busy, told funny stories and put on a clown show. She did such an awesome job that I would have paid her if she wasn't my kid! ;)

7. If you have a baby or toddler - get rid of them. Not forever obviously, just for the party. If you can't find a sitter or helper to take them out or entertain them on another level of the house than have a good back carrier on hand. If you have a baby or toddler you understand. If you don't then you don't have this problem. That is all that needs to be said about this.

8. Make the party ONLY two hours long. I can't stress enough: this ain't no play date! These are hyperactive, loud people, at groin level running back and forth looking for you to amuse them. If you decide to go longer than two hours I can't help you, I can just hope for you that your house and your sanity survive it.

9. And this is genius...(my partner came up with this) give each individual child their own cupcake with candle to blow out instead of just the birthday kid! Your kid won't care (adults care, kids don't) and this will prevent any 'over the shoulder blowing out of birthday candles before said birthday kid gets a chance to do it themselves' that often happens by other kids at parties (my kids ok!? Sheesh). Plus it's super fun and original.

So there you have it. Our rules for how to survive a child's birthday.

Why I don't do "no presents" at a birthday party

I have nothing against parents or caregivers who choose to opt out of presents at birthday parties. I get that. Makes sense. Who wants extra crap around the house? Especially plastic shitty toys. But even with that in mind I don't stipulate "no gifts" for our children's birthday parties. Though of course we totally respect the "no gifts" request when it's asked of us.

We just don't do it for our parties. And here's why:


1. The look of enjoyment on the gifter's face is often as great as that of the giftee.

My kids really like buying/making gifts for their friends and I appreciate what giving a gift to a friend does for them personally. It teaches them to be thoughtful of who their friend is and what their likes and dislikes are. It's an important tool in teaching your child how to see beyond themselves.

2. It teaches my children about numbers and math.

We give them a limit of how much they can spend and then let them loose. $10 can go a long way depending on what you chose to buy. Or it can buy something very small and expensive. Neither is a wrong choice, but it's interesting to watch them decide what to do. We've had many a time where my youngest daughter will look at me surprised when she realizes that she can get two nice books at a discount book store for the price of one plastic toy. A steal in her eyes (and mine).

3. It teaches them to be thankful and gracious.

Learning the art of receiving gifts graciously is something I like to have practiced with my children as often as possible. How many times has a child you know or your own kid said "oh...I don't like that" and tossed the gift aside. It's happened to us and it's happened by us and I hate it. My kids are coached before parties to receive every single gift with a smile on their face and a huge thank you,(yup, coached, graciousness is not something that comes terribly naturally to all kids). Because after all - no matter what - it's the thought that counts.

4. It teaches them not all the best gifts are bought in toy stores.

My children can opt out of buying a gift altogether and instead make something or re-gift something (give their friend one of their toys). This helps to teach them that gifts bought with money aren't always the best or right gifts and certainly aren't necessary. I learned this first hand last year when a good friend of mine had her son bring a home made gift for my son. He packed together a sweet little gift bag filled with things he loved, stickers, a note pad, some paper and a home made card. The gift he brought was welcomed with as much excitement as all the other gifts brought. But more than that, that gift bag lasted months hanging off a cupboard door knob. My son and daughter diving into it every time they did some art or some crafts. And when the bag was finally empty it was used as a carrier for stuffed animals and homemade books. It was as well loved, and equally as talked about and remembered in conversation as "gifts I got for my third birthday" as the much adored red batman toy that another good friend chose for him.

5. My kids like getting gifts!

I don't stop others from buying or making my kids gifts if they choose because it's one of the fun parts of a birthday. Frankly I like getting gifts on my birthday too. Whether it be a homemade card a bouquet of dandelions or a slow cooker (yes, I am looking at you friend). Come on, admit it, gifts are fun to get!

I'll add that we never specify what our child wants to our friends unless they request it. Personally I find this very gauche. Fine to do to with the grandparents or even the aunts and uncles, but the parents of your children's friends should never be put on the spot like that. Happened to me the other day by a dad who specified his twins (yup, you read that right: twins) would like Lego. Um, hello! Do you have any idea how expensive Lego is ya crazy dad!? Not to mention my child had no intention in getting that for the twins. Her heart was set on Moshi Pets as there had been a long standing game going on at school during recess involving Moshi Pets and Littlest Pet Shop creatures. I politely told him that my daughter gets to pick the gift and it'll be a surprise to us all what the twins end up with. He was a bit taken back, seeming surprised that I let my kid do the choosing. Which brings me to my next reason:

6. It helps them to gain independence and allows them personal control.

This is such an important thing to have in their lives. Obviously it can't be practiced at all times because they are children after all, but this allows them that bit of independence and control they so want. And it's awesome to see how proud they are of themselves and chuffed at being able to walk around at their own pace in a store and chose something out for their friend themselves.

7. It gives me insight to my children's growing personalities.

Telling you I know my kids is only half the truth. I do know them, but they are changing everyday too and once they start school they start branching out their personalities in major ways. Watching them search out a special gift for their friends helps me to learn a little bit more about my kid and see how much they pay attention to the needs and wants of others. I'm always a bit surprised at what they choose for their friends and often doubt that the gift they have chosen will be good enough or as good as something I would choose. Yes, I'm an ass. But I'm always wrong (you would think I would learn by now). They really do know their friends and given the chance are usually spot on with their gift choices. I get to see just how generous and thoughtful they are. And I never get enough of that.

In addition, our guests are never expected to get (or make) our children any gifts whatsoever, they just aren't asked specifically not to.

In our family we believe that gift giving is as important a tool to have as realizing that "not getting everything you want whenever you want it" is. And of course anything that helps teach and grow generosity within my crew, is a-ok in my books.

My son receiving a gift from one of his best friends.