I have nothing against parents or caregivers who choose to opt out of presents at birthday parties. I get that. Makes sense. Who wants extra crap around the house? Especially plastic shitty toys. But even with that in mind I don't stipulate "no gifts" for our children's birthday parties. Though of course we totally respect the "no gifts" request when it's asked of us.
We just don't do it for our parties. And here's why:
1. The look of enjoyment on the gifter's face is often as great as that of the giftee.
My kids really like buying/making gifts for their friends and I appreciate what giving a gift to a friend does for them personally. It teaches them to be thoughtful of who their friend is and what their likes and dislikes are. It's an important tool in teaching your child how to see beyond themselves.
2. It teaches my children about numbers and math.
We give them a limit of how much they can spend and then let them loose. $10 can go a long way depending on what you chose to buy. Or it can buy something very small and expensive. Neither is a wrong choice, but it's interesting to watch them decide what to do. We've had many a time where my youngest daughter will look at me surprised when she realizes that she can get two nice books at a discount book store for the price of one plastic toy. A steal in her eyes (and mine).
3. It teaches them to be thankful and gracious.
Learning the art of receiving gifts graciously is something I like to have practiced with my children as often as possible. How many times has a child you know or your own kid said "oh...I don't like that" and tossed the gift aside. It's happened to us and it's happened by us and I hate it. My kids are coached before parties to receive every single gift with a smile on their face and a huge thank you,(yup, coached, graciousness is not something that comes terribly naturally to all kids). Because after all - no matter what - it's the thought that counts.
4. It teaches them not all the best gifts are bought in toy stores.
My children can opt out of buying a gift altogether and instead make something or re-gift something (give their friend one of their toys). This helps to teach them that gifts bought with money aren't always the best or right gifts and certainly aren't necessary. I learned this first hand last year when a good friend of mine had her son bring a home made gift for my son. He packed together a sweet little gift bag filled with things he loved, stickers, a note pad, some paper and a home made card. The gift he brought was welcomed with as much excitement as all the other gifts brought. But more than that, that gift bag lasted months hanging off a cupboard door knob. My son and daughter diving into it every time they did some art or some crafts. And when the bag was finally empty it was used as a carrier for stuffed animals and homemade books. It was as well loved, and equally as talked about and remembered in conversation as "gifts I got for my third birthday" as the much adored red batman toy that another good friend chose for him.
5. My kids like getting gifts!
I don't stop others from buying or making my kids gifts if they choose because it's one of the fun parts of a birthday. Frankly I like getting gifts on my birthday too. Whether it be a homemade card a bouquet of dandelions or a slow cooker (yes, I am looking at you friend). Come on, admit it, gifts are fun to get!
I'll add that we never specify what our child wants to our friends unless they request it. Personally I find this very gauche. Fine to do to with the grandparents or even the aunts and uncles, but the parents of your children's friends should never be put on the spot like that. Happened to me the other day by a dad who specified his twins (yup, you read that right: twins) would like Lego. Um, hello! Do you have any idea how expensive Lego is ya crazy dad!? Not to mention my child had no intention in getting that for the twins. Her heart was set on Moshi Pets as there had been a long standing game going on at school during recess involving Moshi Pets and Littlest Pet Shop creatures. I politely told him that my daughter gets to pick the gift and it'll be a surprise to us all what the twins end up with. He was a bit taken back, seeming surprised that I let my kid do the choosing. Which brings me to my next reason:
6. It helps them to gain independence and allows them personal control.
This is such an important thing to have in their lives. Obviously it can't be practiced at all times because they are children after all, but this allows them that bit of independence and control they so want. And it's awesome to see how proud they are of themselves and chuffed at being able to walk around at their own pace in a store and chose something out for their friend themselves.
7. It gives me insight to my children's growing personalities.
Telling you I know my kids is only half the truth. I do know them, but they are changing everyday too and once they start school they start branching out their personalities in major ways. Watching them search out a special gift for their friends helps me to learn a little bit more about my kid and see how much they pay attention to the needs and wants of others. I'm always a bit surprised at what they choose for their friends and often doubt that the gift they have chosen will be good enough or as good as something I would choose. Yes, I'm an ass. But I'm always wrong (you would think I would learn by now). They really do know their friends and given the chance are usually spot on with their gift choices. I get to see just how generous and thoughtful they are. And I never get enough of that.
In addition, our guests are never expected to get (or make) our children any gifts whatsoever, they just aren't asked specifically not to.
In our family we believe that gift giving is as important a tool to have as realizing that "not getting everything you want whenever you want it" is. And of course anything that helps teach and grow generosity within my crew, is a-ok in my books.
No comments:
Post a Comment