You may not have realized this, or maybe you did, but when I first met you I didn't know what to make of you with your broad smile and incredibly penetrating eyes. In all honesty, I was intimidated by you. However, the more we saw each other and the more our children played together, quickly I realized you were one of the kindest people I had ever met. Very early on I learned that you were caring, sympathetic, empathetic, considerate and an excellent listener. Above all I could feel from my personal interactions with you and I could see by those you were closest with that you were a valuable friend. "Intimacy", as they so perfectly put it at the memorial service this evening, is what you offered others. A sense of intimacy that was sincere and comforting.
I will never forget that when we spoke you always locked eyes with me as you lay your hand on my forearm, squeezing it softly while we talked, as if to say "we are connected, you and I". You never forgot my name or the names of my children even though you and I weren't close friends. I admired that in you, your fantastic memory and real interest in what was going on in my life. Once you massaged my feet when I was pregnant with Jasper, do you remember that? I was swollen and huge, my feet hurt terribly. I was embarrased because my feet were dirty, but you didn't care. It was important to you to help me, and because you were so kind and so gently forceful I accepted it. How could anyone say no to you? It made my day Jenna, did I thank you properly? I hope I did.
Your joie de vivre trespassed all boundaries and when you entered a room people felt it. I loved the way you loved my daughter's energetic spirit. It was so good to see someone appreciate my daughter for who she. Especially when I often struggled with the embarrassment that so many of us experience when our children are being "challenging" in public. By you being excited about my daughter's bounty of energy and her fabulous fierceness you gave me pause to react to her in times when I felt so challenged by her.
You have taught me, in your way of just being you, to appreciate children and the freedom in their spirits. Thank you Jenna, you have helped me to see that the spirit in all of us is not only worth allowing its freedom, but also worth working every day to grow and nourish.
You have helped me to see things differently. Positively.
Let me tell you, your memorial service was awe inspiring. Stories were told of you that caused both weeping and a rolling laughter of unexpected joy through the audience that filled the room. Unifying us all in the memory of you. I've never laughed at a memorial service before. It truly was a celebration of your life and who you were. People hung on to each other while remembering you. Your son was carried in on his father's shoulders, hugging Florian's head and neck, leaning into him as if to become one with him.
For the service Lucas sat in his father's arms, they caressed each other's faces. At the end of the service we all lit candles and listened to music. Lucas danced with his cousins to the song "turn your lights down low". He danced and smiled and it was lovely to see. It was magical even.
I'll tell you Jenna, It really looks like he'll be ok. Children heal so well. He has such a strong community of love to hold him up and help him grow to be the strong and confident man you always knew he would be. Florian will be ok too I think, Lucas will make sure of that. I saw it in the way he put his hand on his father's cheek, like you might have, letting him know that they are still connected and that you are still connected to them both. He will keep his father strong by embodying your spirit. They will be held together not only by each other, but by you. Not by the grief of losing you but by the joy of having known you.
We will all live our lives a little better having known you. In your death you have reminded those of us that have forgotten that life is worth living. Not just living, but living with love, understanding, connection and forgiveness. You remind us that love is not something to take for granted or to be witheld from someone or spread out thinly to those in our specific circles. Love is worth giving freely and in abundance. You understood this better than anyone.
To live like you is to be like you and to be like you is to live like you.
In my life from this day forth I hope I can learn to live more like you did Jenna. To be as Jenna-esque as possible. To look at the glass half full and to breathe in the fresh air as deeply as you did. To never take anything for granted and be forever grateful for what I have.
I thank you Jenna, for all that you have given to me. In life you offered me friendship and smiles. In death you offer me the chance to learn from how you lived. You offer me renewal.
I will always miss not having known you better. I wish I had taken you up on getting our kids together.
You are truly loved Jenna and will be greatly missed having been taken from this Earth far too soon.
Love C.
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